…….PSSSSST!!!!!!!!!!! Hey You! Yeh…. YOU with the bad teeth!
…Do you hang around your old office - you know, the place that fired you — knocking and pleading plaintively for your former colleagues to come to the door so you can eat their brains?
If so, you might be a zombie ….. or a wanna-be-zom-bie! Either way, you’ve come to the right place: the Zombie Costume Warehouse. Welcome home!
Attention: Zombies, Wanna-be Zombies, and Dog Zombies: Around Halloween, you can get lots of sweet deals, so check back!
Zombie Costume Warehouse knows that Halloween is coming, and you’ll want to brush up on your skills and be as sharp as possible so you can pick all those good brains. (Remember how your boss always said he was the ‘brains’ of the operation? Pick his brain first!)
“But how do I brush up on my zombie skills?” you might ask.
I’m glad you asked!
First off, beautiful zombies, Zombie Costume Warehouse would like to remind you that being a good zombie doesn’t always mean sneaking up slowly on people who are too engrossed in reading The Smithsonian to notice. Sometimes you need to negotiate.
Zombie Training 101: How to Negotiate with Reluctant Meals
Zombie Training 102: Lookin’ Sharp
You know it already: negotiating skills and other evidence of talent and hard work are never enough to “get a head” in this world. What you look like always matters most. And if your zombie face, hair, accessories, or costume isn’t ugly, YOU won’t be ugly, and who loves a pretty zombie? You know the answer as well as Zombie Costume Warehouse does: No One!
Consider sprucing up your wardrobe with these stylish numbers and watch heads turn!
Zombie Training 103: Infiltrate
Tactics. Now that you have some negotiating skills and look awful, you are ready to begin your plan of attack. Name of the game is infiltration. Take your cue from the instructional video below, “Night of the Living Bread,” a parody of the film great, “Night of the Living Dead,” and act casual at first. No one will suspect an innocent zombie sitting there on the couch, minding his own business. They’ll think that you are just Howard, from Accounting. So get out there, and quietly sit next to someone, motionless, until your moment of opportunity arrives.
If that doesn’t work, try a slow approach from behind. This works surprisingly well, because there’s something about moving very slowly that makes people trip and fall, over and over again, for no apparent reason, until finally they are just laying there crawling on the ground, ready to be eaten.
These techniques and other important life lessons for zombies are demonstrated here:
Well, that concludes your base training as a zombie. We hope you’ve enjoyed your visit to the Zombie Costume Warehouse. For more tips, tricks, and ideas, visit BuyCostumes.com
Oh, one final pointer. Stay away from crucifixes and always carry breath spray. Otherwise people might smell you coming.
Have a great Halloween!
p.s. For you Die-Hard Night of the Living Bread fans, here’s a bonus sneak peak into the past. The “Bread” Action Figure, Jake, comes to life in this awesome Night of the Living Bread Trading Cards and Action Figure sequence. If you’ve never been to a movie-theater showing of this classic cult film, where people bring garbage bags full of hundreds of white bread slices to toss into the air at appropriate moments, then you haven’t really lived. Sorry! But, as a second-best option, you can at least watch this fun little video.